The Ultimate Draft: RDU Football 2017

2017 Real Deal Ultimate Football Draft Recap

Alright gents! It’s that time of year! We finally finished nearly two weeks of drafting and now I have to break down all of the madness and hope I don’t lose my hair in the process. While I wrote this more than 4,000-word breakdown, pre-season games happened and situations changed greatly. I make mention to a few but, for the most part, take this as a snapshot of where things stood immediately following the last pick.

The 2017 draft was a deep one, both in the NFL and in Real Deal. Starters were still being drafted in the 5th round, so most teams came away with guys that will help them now and in the future. You don’t have to squint too hard and see this draft as being a massive turning point in the league, especially with some teams working hard to consolidate as much of the talent available now as possible. If this draft turns out to be an all-timer, as some pundits have predicted, the fortunes of this portion of our game could have changed for all of us.
Without further ado, I present my draft grades and evaluation for Real Deal Ultimate Football 2017. I was going to do awards too, but this is already like 4,100 words.
Feel free to agree and email me praises. If you disagree, save it for the chat board ;).

Arizona Cardinals: B-

Best Move: Trading 1.11, 2.11, and 4.11 for Doug Martin, 2.1, and CHI 2018 1st and 3rd round picks

The Cards draft will be ultimately judged by Doug Martin. AZ got very good value in the future picks, not to mention a legitimate starter at a key position. Many are down on Martin this season, and this trade reflects his depressed value. But if Martin returns anywhere near to form once he is reinstated, Zona’s draft will be looked upon very favorably. Kamara at 2.1 could prove to be a good value and several later picks have great upside, but this draft was about Martin.

Atlanta Falcons: A

Best Move: Dalvin Cook at 1.8

I love this draft. I’m super jealous. Getting Dalvin Cook at 8th overall is an unbelievably steal. I would have never expected it to fall that way, but I’m sure ATL is happy it did. And if that wasn’t good enough, Derek Barnett as the 5th pass rusher off the board, Marshon Lattimore and Budda Baker in the 3rd round, and Isaiah McKenzie in the 6th. The pieces are there to build a very successful team in the near future. Well done.

Carolina Panthers: D

Best Move: Malik Hooker could be good enough to make us forget CAR gave up a 5th rounder to move up one spot to get him.

Sorry bruh, but when you go into a draft with 5 picks and come out with only Malik Hooker, a 7th round wideout, and a 2018 3rd, you get a D.

Chicago Bears: B-

Best Move: Tre’Davious White at 3.1

I’m going to keep the commentary on Chicago’s effort to the draft itself, although special mention has to be made to basically compiling a standout defensive unit overnight by dealing 1.1 to TOR. Beyond that move, this is one of the bigger “upside” drafts. That can be said thanks to dealing Doug Martin and future premium picks for what ended up to be Patrick Mahomes, Jamaal Martin, and Dalvin Tomlinson, none of whom will likely make a start in 2017. And David Njoku is the biggest question mark of all, a physical freak who could blossom into the next great TE or fall into the same pit as Johnny Manziel, Justin Gilbert, and all the other failed Browns first rounders. Tre’Davious White in the 3rd was a great value, and there is a metric ton of talent here. But with all that talent comes one of the more risky drafts in the league.

Cincinnati Bengals: B+

Best Move: Deshaun Watson at 1.13

(I’ll keep it brief since this was my draft, but I’m overall happy with how it turned out) Moving up to grab their guy in Watson, especially with Alex Smith living on borrowed time in KC, may turn out to be an inspired move. Allen and Shaheen represent good value where they went, and talented players like Sidney Jones (despite the redshirt season), Tim Williams, and Fabian Moreau further bolster the future prospects of a team looking to compete.

Cleveland Browns: B-

Best Move: Haason Reddick at 2.7

Cleveland was one of the few squads that went chalk, keeping and using all their picks. No future draft capital, but no lost capital this season. CLE used those picks to get solid players up and down the lineup. John Ross is already making waves in Cincinnati, Chris Wormley figures to receive good workload in BAL, and Jordan Willis was a great value in the 4th round. My favorite was the Haason Reddick pick, the rare guy who will provide value in coverage and in the pass rush, was a steal at 2.7. Knocked them down from a “B” to a “B-“ only because they tried to draft CJ Spiller like fourteen times!! LM was very forgiving.

Dallas Cowboys: C

Best Move: Acquiring Sammy Watkins and Alshon Jeffrey (although the cost was huge)

The draft was not a draft for Dallas. The picks that they held for this year and the next two years were deemed of lesser value than the chance to win today. No criticism here, but that’s the truth of the matter. The Cowboys came out of this year’s draft a markedly better team than they were going in. I hate the cost of Sammy Watkins, but they ended up with two big time WR and the top RB in the draft. They will rank highly in the coming season outlook article. But if bad luck strikes, Dallas won’t have the ability to retool in the next two seasons. Championship or bust!

Denver Broncos: C-

Best Move: Ahkello Witherspoon at 4.19

Without a first or second round draft pick, it was going to be tough to make too much noise. But IMO, Denver didn’t end up with a lot of help. Marcus Williams is a talented guy, but isn’t projected to play much early on and may have been a bit of a reach. Ahkello Witherspoon was good value at 4.19. The fact that Denver didn’t come away with a DE, even just for depth, loses them a half grade for me.

Detroit Lions: B-

Best Move: Reuben Foster at 1.16

The Cardiac Cats had an interesting draft. They made a few deals to net them additional draft capital, moving down in the 1st and grabbing two 4s for a 3rd next year. They used that capital to throw a few darts at the board, using the two 4s they got from Carolina to add not one but two QBs. Foster at 1.16 and Rivers at 2.13 were very solid picks and, while he may have been a slight reach, Taylor has a real chance to have an impact in San Francisco. Anzalone is a nice later round pick, and Donnel Pumphrey may be working his way into reps sooner than later. All in all, a nice collection of talent that fits nicely with the rest of the roster, and the PS guys represent a mixed bag of talent without much current opportunity.

Green Bay Packers: C

Best Move: Vince Biegel at 5.10

The Pack went all D with their draft, starting off with Marcus Maye with their first pick at 3.18. They ended up with two safeties, two corners, a linebacker, and a defensive tackle late. No offense, but I wasn’t a fan of their first pick. Marcus Maye certainly has a chance to produce, but safety was the lowest position of need on that side of the ball. Starting corners, including Gareon Conley and GB’s own Kevin King, were still available. They addressed the need in the 4th with Quincy Wilson, but there is less upside there. The Pack didn’t miss entirely though, nabbing a great value in pass rushing LB Vince Biegel in the 5th. Biegel was a value in the real draft as well, and fills a need for depth at the position.

Houston Texans: B-

Best Move: Acquiring Washington’s 2018 1st and 4.17 in exchange for 2.3 and their own 5th in 2018.

Houston’s draft is defined by the decision to deal the third overall pick for CJ Prosise and, most crucially, Blake Bortles. It’s the kind of trade that we’ll be looking at in two or three years and either lauding the Texans for such a bold move… or shaking our heads. There’s not really an in-between. Headliner aside, there were some really savvy moves here (curiously all with the Skins). Trading away 2.3, 4.3, and a 2018 5th for 4.17, Washington’s 2018 1st,3rd, and 2019 5th in two separate deals are the stuff Belichick’s wet dreams are made of. As far as actual players go, there was good value in Taywon Taylor at 3.3, Jake Butt at 4.17, and Tarell Basham at 5.17. All of these players should make an impact immediately, and Taylor even has a chance to make a push for HOU’s flex spot in the near future. I dinged him a half grade because I’m not a fan of Bortles, but if you are a believer consider this a “B+”.

Indianapolis Colts: B+

Best Move: Obi Melifonwu at 2.15

Say this about the Colts’ draft: they were all about this year. Before the draft was over, the Blue Horseshoe had sent two 2018 2nd and 4th rounders, a 2019 3rd , and Rishard Matthews for 1.24, 2.15, 3.9, 3.16, and another five later round picks. That’s quite a haul, and they flexed that muscle. Perine figures to be starting in Washington before long, Taco Charlton is a dynamic talent, and Obi Melifonwu could be the best pick of them all. I also loved getting Kendall Beckwith at 4.9, who enters the season the starting SAM on a dynamic defense in Tampa. Nabbing Teez Tabor all the way at 5.16 feels like icing on the cake. I don’t typically like trading away so many future assets, and I could whine about the value of some of the early rounders, but this is a very solid haul and gives Indy a very talented defense.

Los Angeles Rams: D

Best Move: Acquiring 2015 3rd rounder Chris Conley for 6.18, 6.21, and 7.21… I guess.

No offense to LAR, but this draft looked like it was run by the Rams’ real life brain trust. Granted, there wasn’t a lot to work with here, only coming into the draft with six picks total and just one before the 4th round. But coming away from what looks to be a deep draft with a 3rd string TE, and 3rd string RB, and a pair of 2015 draftees that have yet to look like anything more than rotational players is a tough sell. There were good players with starting roles left on the board, and LAR didn’t come away with any of them. Don’t mean to be rude, but… dude.

New England Patriots: A

Best Move: Myles Garrett at 1.21 (damn it)

I hate New England’s draft. And by “hate it”, I really mean “I love it and wish I did it”. Getting top overall pick Myles freaking Garrett at the 21st overall pick is such a steal it almost makes me mad. That pick going in reminds me of Tampa Bay’s GM telling the story of how every other team was trying to get their pick but they said “screw off” and nabbed O.J. Howard (go Bucs). On top of that killer pick, New England just cherry-picked great value picks. D’Onta Foreman might take the job from Lamar Miller’s corpse as soon as mid-season. Malik Hooker looks like the real deal*. And everyone let out an audible groan when Adoree’ Jackson was finally sniped at 3.5, ending all our dreams of him falling into our laps. Well done (I hate you).

*Note: Doesn’t account for Hooker’s season ending injury. Still a great pick.

New Orleans Saints: C+

Best Move: Cooper Kupp at 2.14

It may not have been a massive need, but New Orleans ensured they’ll run out a good set of WR for the foreseeable future. Mike Williams at 14th overall was a stretch for me, considering it’s possible he’ll miss most of if not all of the season; not to mention that I hate messing with back injuries. But if Williams becomes the guy the Chargers hope, it’ll be the worth the high pick and the redshirt season. Cooper Kupp at 2.14 was a great value, and he’ll likely end up the no. 2 wide out across from Sammy Watkins. Malik McDowell is extremely talented and only fell due to an offseason ATV injury, but he’s great value in the 5th. Evans and Walker didn’t represent good value for me. The biggest problem here is just that most of these guys won’t play much in 2017. Good talent, but will they play enough to be valuable to NO?

New York Giants: B

Best Move: Duke Riley at 4.20

The G-Men needed depth more than anything in this draft. They run out one of the more complete starting lineups in the league. Behind those starters leaves a bit to be desired. So it was pretty clear from 1.20 one that their goal was to find talented guys to fill out the roster at a couple of particularly shallow positions. Curtis Samuel and Carlos Henderson may have both been a little bit of a reach, but they walk into good situations that could improve their stock in a hurry. Jonnu Smith is blocked by Delanie Walker, but if he is as good as advertised could force TEN into two TE sets that would give him a chance to do some damage. It was a tough choice for best move, but I went with Duke Riley over acquiring DRC and a future 3rd. Riley expects to play frequently for a good Falcons D, and LB was one of the greater needs for the Blue. Dawaune Smoot and Trey Hendrickson were also some of my favorite late rounders.

New York Jets: B

Best Move: Evan Engram at 1.10

Jersey picks up TE (but really slot receiver if we’re all being honest with ourselves) Evan Engram with the 10th overall pick and top safety Jamal Adams at 15th. It’s a solid pair of potential playmakers that figure to be heavily involved immediately. Engram figures to hold a little more value than other TE prospects in our game as no expects him to block much. His job will be to line up near the line and be a sort of under slot receiver. To have a guy like that at TE could be very valuable. Gang Green gave up a third 1st to TOR, netting a 2018 4th, a 2019 1st and 3rd, rotational DE Kasim Edebali, and buy low Adrian Peterson. With guys like Myles Garrett still on the board, this was a risk. But if AP turns in a surprise season and that 2019 1st ends up being high, we might have a much more positive opinion of this draft.

Philadelphia Steel Men: B+

Best Move: T.J. Watt at 2.24

Philly gets a huge bump from making one of my favorite picks in the draft: T.J. Watt. To get a guy that brings that much athleticism to the table at 2.24 is beyond a steal. I’m probably playing my hand because I’d love to trade for him, but this was one of the better picks, fits, and values in the whole draft. The rest of the work done by the franchises of the state of Penn was good but not stand out. James Conner is a talented guy but a bit of a reach. Xavier Woods at 3.24 will likely compete for playing time in a weak Dallas secondary. Kittles was a big reach and has to play with Brian Hoyer. All in all, this draft is all about Watt. Philly did end up with some good future draft capital with minimal value lost as well, which bumps this draft up for me.

San Diego Chargers: A

Best Move: Solomon Thomas at 2.5

The Chargers earned their old moniker “Super” with this draft. The fact that they were able to earn one of my few A’s while also reaching for O.J. Howard at 1.4 is a testament to how many great talents and great values they picked up. Solomon Thomas is another one of my favorite picks, and that he was the 4th DE off the board is unreal. Thomas is projected to be a great all-around DE, able to produce points without big sack days. That level of consistency in our game is extremely valuable. To pair him with a guy like Takkarist McKinney, who’ll be more boom or bust, was really smart. Down the draft, Tyus Bowser should be in the running for playing time soon, DeDe Westbrook could be a spark plug for a Philly team that just lost Jordan Matthews, and Rasul Douglas was great value in the 7th. This was solid draft from top to bottom with no wasted picks.

San Francisco 49ers: B-

Best Move: Trading 1.23 in exchange for 2.19, TOR 2018 2nd, and TOR 2019 2nd

The Gold Diggers’ best moves were securing value for future years. In a trio of moves, Frisco came away with an additional 1st and 2nd in 2018, and two more 2nd rounders in 2019. It wasn’t cheap, but those moves were all about building more future value. For a team that expects to compete, this is smart. To a certain extent, the actual picks made were in this line of thinking. There was a clear priority to snag guys that don’t have a clear role now, but are expected to run with the job once they get their hands on it. Joe Williams at 1.12 is the most obvious example, playing behind a sometimes injury-riddled, sometimes ineffective Carlos Hyde. ArDarius Stewart currently has Christian Hackenberg throwing at him, so there’s precious little 2017 value to be had. Chris Godwin was never expected to be any more than the 4th wideout in Tampa. And Charles Harris, although he was a great value pick, will likely be a situational pass rusher ala’ Noah Spence in 2016 and Vic Beasley in 2015. This lack of present value knocks the draft down overall, but this is one of those grades that change big time by the end of 2020.

Seattle Seahawks: B+

Best Move: Christian McCaffery at 1.2

There may have been no bigger need met in this draft than McCaffery going to the largely RB-less Seahawks. The versatile back was in play for the 1st overall pick, and many of us even expected him to be gone before 2. But Seattle happily scooped up one of the most dynamic talents to come into the league. He walks into a fabulous situation too, with a former MVP quarterback and an option/short pass driven offense that is money in our game. Seattle followed that up by trading back into the first round and snagging potential stud linebacker Jarrad Davis from Detroit. Jabril Peppers, the positionless dynamo, went 2.2. This is a tough pick to evaluate, since we really don’t know where he’s going to settle. Right now, he’s a utility player in the truest sense. This pick may end up being brilliant, as Peppers has the speed and athleticism to produce whenever he’s on the field. He also may end up like a pitcher who hits really well: great for the real team, but not helpful for fantasy. In the meantime, I’m choosing to look at it as a smart pick. He’ll eventually settle somewhere on the field, and watch out when he does.

Tennessee Titans: C+

Best Move: JuJu Schuster-Smith at 2.9

I adjusted this write-up after learning of Spencer Ware’s likely season ending knee injury on Friday. I won’t be redoing my grade or evaluation much, but the massive swing in opinion on Kareem Hunt has to be addressed. When the once and future Oilers made this pick, I didn’t like it. A backup RB, even one who has a shot to take the job by midseason from a largely effective veteran, at 1.9 isn’t a great pick. But now that Hunt likely walks into the starting lineup, the pick looks pretty good. I maintain that I didn’t like the pick, but I can’t deny that Tennessee is sitting pretty with their 1st rounder. Schuster-Smith, whom the Steelers love and will get time in the slot next two Antonio Brown and Martavis Bryant, was a great value at 2.9. He’s the kind of the guy that can have a bonkers year and take home the rookie crown. The rest of the Titans’ draft was ok, but no one really got me or their home team’s fan base excited.

Toronto Bills: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Best Move: Ummm… Mixon at 1.5? King at 3.22? I don’t know really.

I could write 3,000 words on this draft and still not have time to address everything that happened. I simply can’t break down this whole draft. I think one of the best summaries of what Toronto did here is by looking at their remaining picks in 2018 and 2019. Go ahead and look! I’ll wait. You’ll see there is one, single, lonely first rounder in 2018. Only the late Al Davis knows what it’s like to go this all-in on anything (those things by the way were speed in the draft and well done prime rib). We should’ve all known that this was going to be different right from the jump, when Corey Davis became the surprise 1.1. I had about seven guys I thought could go 1, and Davis wasn’t on the list. Mixon at 1.5 wasn’t a big reach considering how he’s viewed in fantasy circles, but if you say you expected Zay Jones to go in the top 10, you’re either lying or your Toronto’s owner. Trubisky at 18th, Marlon Mack at 23rd, Everett at 2.6, there were so many picks that I didn’t see coming. What compounds on the confusion is that the whole future was leveraged for these picks. All that said, there were some great values here. Kevin King and Gareon Conley in the back of the 3rd were great picks. And building a team in this way may have cost a ton in draft capital, but Toronto should have close to the most salary space going into the season and next off-season, giving them a huge leg up in acquiring big contracts and signing free agents. It seems to me that Toronto felt their team needed a systemic overhaul, and boy did they get it. I didn’t get it, but I’m routinely wrong. This could be mad, this could be genius, I don’t know. I do know this was easily the most fun draft of them all.

Washington Redskins: B(?)

Best Move: Acquired 1.3 in exchange for Blake Bortles and C.J. Prosise

Ok, deep breath. There’s a lot to break down here. Washington had the second busiest draft of the year, just behind our friends north of the border. The R-Words brought in a lot of talent, some I liked, some I didn’t, and some that will never actually score points for them. I’ll start with their best move, and that was acquiring 1.3 for Bortles and Prosise. Bortle’s struggles in the preseason make this look even better, and potential 1st overall pick Leonard Fournette being there makes it look unreal. But then Fournette was dealt along with Vontae Davis and Thomas Rawls for a Reshad Jones, Duke Johnson Jr., Zach Brown, and Xavier Rhodes. Turning around and dealing a selection he got just a week prior for more value was impressive, but time will tell if the haul it brought will have been worth a potential franchise player at a position that seems to always be in demand. Beyond these deals, the D.C.s brought in big talents in Golladay and Gallman, and strong values like Tanoh Kpassagnon, Shaq Griffin, and Larry Ogunjobi. They also ended up dealing a number of future picks, including next year’s 1st and 2nd rounders. I wish I had the time to break down each and every move, but all in all Washington used assets they deemed expendable to completely rebuild a much nastier defense, making them a team to fear in 2017.

Well, that’s all I have for this season’s football rookie draft. We’ll be doing season predictions soon. The moral of the story is: rejoice, for football has returned!

Real Deal (Football) Report: 2017 Predictions: The West!

We continue our flawless predictions series this year out West, where it is possible that some changes of the guard may be in the offing.

 

NFC West:

Arizona Cardinals (10-6): The interesting part is that last year, the division was much worse comparatively and Arizona should have been a lot more dominant than it was.  But they had some bad luck and inexplicably rough weeks and it ended up being a lot closer than expected.  This year, it’s very possible that the rest of the division could be a lot better and yet the Cardinals still have an almost identical result.  The weirdness of life in RDFL.

Finish Reading: Real Deal (Football) Report: 2017 Predictions: The West!

It’s fitting to start on offense for most teams, because that’s where the biggest vicissitudes occur, but any analysis of the Cardinals has to start with their defense, specifically JJ Watt.  Partnered with Calais Campbell at Defensive End and Jerrell Freeman, Gerald Hodges, Clay Matthews, and Craig Robertson at LB, this team is going to get after the QB.  Get AFTER the QB.  Sack after sack.  The defensive backfield isn’t quite as strong, but DRC and Barry Church are strong pieces, and while Jalen Mills isn’t very good, he should get a ton of opportunities to make tackles in a questionable Eagles secondary.

This division is boring enough I am reduced to posting pictures of ACTUAL football players for a blog about football. Shameful.

Matt Ryan and Shady McCoy headline the offense, and while the rest of the squad isn’t dynamite, it’s passable.  Richard Rodgers should catch both passes and TDs from the TE1 role, and nobody was happier about the Zeke Elliott suspension than Darren McFadden, who should get first look behind Dallas’ mighty line for most of the RDFL season.  Devontae Booker will catch passes, Delanie Walker is a strong off-season addition who should be good for double digit points a game, Kamar Aiken is a capable substitute, and Torrey Smith might have another shot to rebound.

All told, this Arizona squad gets JJ Watt back, is better than it was last year, got some nice breaks in the offseason, made its own breaks with some aggressive trades, and is quietly poised to get back to the playoffs and contend for a bye week with Detroit, New York, and the Titans of the South.  Good offseason, quietly good squad, and damn hard to write a story about.

 

Seattle Seahawks (9-7): The Seahawks were one of last season’s feel good stories, ascending from the depths of an absolute crater to jump out ahead of Arizona early on and remain within striking distance of the division title into the second half of the season.  Emerging from the year into an offseason full of promise, some pundits thought the Seahawks would have a chance to catch Arizona this year and make a return to the playoffs in 2017.

Pundits is a really funny word.

Can they do it this year?  Well, we’ll see. At their potential, the answer is clearly yes.  This team went from Russell Wilson and literally nothing else two years ago to a collection of kluged together players with opportunities in new places.  If all of those players and opportunities pan out, this team could be very, very good.  Now Russell Wilson is joined by (or will be joined by, eventually) Ezekiel Elliott, Travis Kelce, Allen Hurns and Sterling Shephard.  Martavis Bryant returns from suspension to join the team, and Bilal Powell looks like a magnificent free agent acquisition with the Jets’ lack of a passing game and Elliott’s suspension.  Charone Peake should see some throws as well, and guys like C.J. Prosise, Mychal Rivera, and even Adam Shaheen have potential.

Seattle is also back at “starting level” on defense, meaning that every player in the defensive lineup is a legitimate fantasy contributor.  The real question for the Hawks is whether or not the defense will rise to the level of “good”, or simply be passable.  Guys like Bobby Wagner, Janoris Jenkins, Kam Chancellor, Josh Norman, and Mario Edwards suggest good.  Injury question marks around guys like Denzel Perryman, Jimmie Ward, and Markus Golden raise concerns.  But even more than the concerns, this defense seems more “real good” than fantasy good.  Despite their name appeal and excellence on the actual field, some of these guys just don’t put up as many fantasy points as you would expect given name recognition.

Real good is not as good…

 

At the end of the day, whether or not the Seahawks make the jump to playoff team seems to me to come down to adaptability on offense.  How does Bilal Powell do in a pass free Jets offense?  Does Charone Peake take advantage to win playing time?  Does Martavis Bryant return to form as the Steelers #2 after his suspension issues, or is he not the same player he was?  Can CJ Prosise win the starting job in Seattle?  And can a guy like Sterling Shephard make the jump?  If the answer is yes, I think this team has the horses to challenge Arizona.  But I give Arizona the edge because I think they are a surer thing – and because I like that defense a bit better from a fantasy perspective.

…as fantasy good. Sorry Seattle.

San Francisco 49ers (7-9):

Reviewing the 49ers roster feels a bit like riding a carnival roller coaster, ululating between young stars and spectacular players and black holes of nothing-ness.  My brain kept saying “OMG, they have THAT guy?  This team could be awesome!” and then following that up with “oh, but they have no quarterback” or “Sheldon Richardson is a boss-man!” but then “the rest of the defensive line isn’t very good” or “Robert Alford is a fantasy stud” followed by “but the rest of that secondary is pretty bad.”

While most teams rebuild by drafting a broad array of players and watching them grow up together, the 49ers are rebuilding by peaks and valleys.  It’s not so much a matter of letting the young kids grow together as it is plugging in pieces to the weak spots.  It’s snakes and leaders to a tee.

The San Francisco lineup. Also, this game sucked. I have scars from losing at this damn game over and over.. that snake on 98… #)$(*)$#

So what are the snakes and what are the ladders?  I’m so glad you asked.  Because we’re positive here in these parts, let’s start with them ladders!

Ladders:

  • The starting WRs (Corey Coleman and Michael Thomas) are studs.  It’s very possible that SF could have two starting WRs on two strong passing offenses.
  • Tight End –  Potentially resurgent Austin Sea-Faring Jenkins teams with Hunter “Land-lubbing” Henry to form one of the best TE groups in the league, and definitely the best young TE duo in the league
  • Sheldon Richardson – He’s a beastman.  He turns at full moons.  He might be slightly real-life better than fantasy good, but he’s still a beastman.
  • The Linebacking Corps – Hau’oli Kikaha, Manti Te’o, and Ram’ik Wil’s’on (apostrophes intentional.  Ramik’s earned those apostrophes, dammit!) are all fantastic linebackers.  Aaron Lynch, Lorenzo Mauldin, and Sio Moore come off the bench, making this a powerful and overstocked Linebacking group.
  • The Injured Reserve – Quincy Enunwa, Derek Rivers, Malcolm Smith, and Aaron Colvin.  All starters.  All with boss potential.  All done for the year.
Sheldon Richardson, ladies and gentlemen!

Snakes:

  • Quarterback – this is what comes of being a Jets fan.  Scott Tolzien, Bryce Petty, and Christian Hackenberg.  Yeeouch.  That’s the big nasty snake that brings you all the way back to square 2.
  • Running Back – Shane Vereen has been a fantastically underrated PPR RB stud for a long time in this league.  Basically since I was born.  Every year, people get surprised by him.  But this year, without a clear role, he’s not exactly who you want as your #1.  Matt Jones is down to third string, and even having a fullback ain’t going to quite get it done…
  • Most of the secondary – The recently extended Robert Alford is a bulwark, but the rest of the group is going to struggle a bit.  TJ Green is a reserve.  Vontae Davis is meh from a fantasy perspective.
  • Injuries – We listed the IR as a strength, but of course it’s also a weakness, bringing down key players from the receiving corps, the secondary, and D-line.  Four IR visits in training camp is high, and it will handicap everyone.

Sum – sum, this team has some excellent building blocks – but I think the holes and the injuries keep them out for another year.

 

Los Angeles Rams (6-10): If there’s one thing the NFC has been able to brag about since Real Deal’s inception (beyond being the better conference by FAR), it has been consistency at the bottom.  Each and every division has had a dynasty squad with an unrelenting grip on ineptitude.  Washington in the East, Minnesota in the North, Tampa Bay to a lesser extent in the South, and the LA Rams in the West.  In the AFC, only the Jets have had a similar monopoly on last place.  It’s a hard, hard place to be in, and a hard, hard place to get out of.

That said, these LA Rams are showing real signs of life, stockpiling youth and talent on the offensive side of the ball and less talent but more depth on defense.  It’s not quite ready to pay off, but all the signs are there of a team ready to rise.  Marcus Mariota is a franchise QB , and a young receiving corps of Tyrell Williams, Zay Jones, Kenny Stills, and Marqise Goodwin should put real, actual points on the board.  Can you IMAGINE what would happen if Marqise Goodwin ever get a “u”?  Samaje Perrine isn’t necessarily ready to take over the starting job today, but the smart money is on him having it next year.  Jared Cook and Xavier Grimble are passable at Tight End, and if Charles Sims can take the Muscle Hamster’s job, this squad could be legitimately productive.

The defense is a little less young and a little more meh, but it does have some real potential bright spots of its own (T.J. Watt, please stand up).  The rest of the defense is littered with a plethora of high end mediocrity – guys who aren’t going to startle or amaze, but who are absolutely legitimate, decent players who can start on NFL football teams.  Guys like Bob Ayers, Michael Brockers and Cedric Thornton on the line, Nick Perry and Derrick Morgan in the middle, and Marcus Cooper, EJ Gaines, Rodney McCleod and Darian Stewart in the secondary.  There’s not a name on that list that fills anyone with legitimate terror – but every one of those players is qualified to play football.

The Rams guys ain’t quite Sheldon Richardson… but they try hard and they’re kinda cute.

This team needs to learn how to win.  I still think they pick up a 4th place finish, but I think it’s a lot closer than a lot of people think, and it wouldn’t surprise me at all to see the Rams finish second.  Things are looking up in Lala land.

Here’s the thing for the West – it’s Arizona’s division this year, but this place is going to be a bloodbath in 2018-2020.  Arizona isn’t collapsing any time soon, but all three of the other teams have trajectories pointed solidly up.  There’s not a Miami level rocketship or an obvious dominant team in the lot, but all have the misfortune to be moving in the right direction at the same time.  The NFC West is going to be boring for one more year, but starting next year, this becomes AFC North level carnage!

 

AFC West:

Oakland Raiders (10-6): Another year, another dogfight.  It’s starpower central out in the Bay Area, as Aaron Rodgers finds Dez Bryant, Jordan Matthews (freed to once again be the only receiver who matters on a team that will need to throw a fair bit), and Tyler Eifert (healthy… for now), with Jonathan Stew Beef coming out of the backfield.  Add to this Karl Joseph taking the heads off of receivers, TJ Ward taking the football off of receivers, and Preston Brown and Jordan Hicks tackling literally everything that moves.

Like its Bay Area brother, San Francisco, though, the Raiders have their own fair share of question marks.  The last two offensive starters are badly unsettled, with third stringer Jalen Richard battling third stringer Donnel Pumphrey, unproven wideout Brandon Coleman, Hall of Fame Game darling Brice Butler, and blocking tight end Benji Watson for the slots.  Of the Raider’s five defensive ends, not one is currently starting for its team.

Oakland is a Jekyll and Hyde team.  The top 5 on offense are fantastic.  After that?  The roster falls off a cliff.  The Linebacking group of Brown, Hicks, Paul Worrilow, Hassan Reddick, and Korey Toomer is one of the best in the league, and the secondary of Joseph, Ward, Sean Smith, and TJ Carrie is likewise excellent.  But the defensive line is in shambles and there’s not much depth at all to back up some injury prone starters.

oohhmmm… we embrace the light and the dark. We embrace the Aaron Rodgers and the Donnell Pumphrey. We bring balance to our chakras, whatever the hell those are…

The Raiders literally do this every year.  They bring a boom and bust group of high end stars with limitless potential and a handful of question marks to the table and ride them right to the border of greatness, without ever quite crossing the line and entering in to the promised land.  Something always keeps them out – the continuing meltdown of Josh Gordon, injures to guys like Eifert and Bryant, underperforming draft picks, or just the absolutely horrific luck of losing three games in a single year by under a point.  Oakland has dealt with it all.  Like Moses actually hitting the rock instead of talking to it, something always seems to go wrong.

It’s a hard roster to predict.  But I never bet against Aaron Rodgers and a great secondary all at the same time.  And to be honest, the Raiders are more than due for a little luck.

 

Kansas City Chiefs (10-6): The Chiefs have been the model of consistency as the only RDFL team to make the playoffs in every year of RDFL’s existence.  But they’ve never been great, never making a Super Bowl and only once truly threatening a berth.  It seems relatively likely that both streaks will continue this year, as Kansas City is once again a solid squad, but once again seems very likely to fall short of excellence – and, if things break the wrong way, could fall very far short.

Alex Smith, whose play is a microcosm of this team, heads a squad of platoon running backs (Wendell Smallwood, Giovani Bernard, Derrick Henry, Rob Kelley), injury prone tight ends (Jordan Reed and AJ Derby), Jordy Nelson (AWESOME!), and questionable receivers (Pierre Garcon, Tavon Austin, Chris Conley, and Randall Cobb).  The defense is likewise strong but vulnerable, with Dante Fowler under arrest, Darron Lee in trouble, Kyle Williams old, and most of the entire Linebacking core (Justin Houston, Derrick Johnson and Reggie Ragland) having sustained season ending injuries within the last two years.

Actual footage of somebody on KC’s defense. Of course, we can’t tell who, because everybody is injured, and this guy has bandages covering his face. That dopey smile makes me think Ragland…

If things go well, one of the RBs will end up feature, Pierre Garcon and Chris Conley become target hogs, Randall Cobb regains his form, Jordan Reed stays healthy, Jordy Nelson stays healthy, the linebackers stay healthy, and the defensive line plays up to expectations, the Chiefs could get over the hump.  But there’s enough question marks here, particularly on the health front, that this team could also fail to make the playoffs for the first time in RDFL’s history.  Split the difference, and we have a war with the Raiders for the AFC West crown and/or a wildcard berth.  Same as it ever was.

Los Angeles Chargers (6-10):  LA Chargers.  Yeah, I’m not getting used to that.  It’s going to be a rough year for the Chargers as they get used to their new digs.  It’s going to be a relatively rough year for the Chargers in fantasy as well.  This team is led, as always, by their eternal lord and god, Philip Rivers, who has helmed their team since the words “groovy” and “swell” were invented.  And he has a nice defense to help him along this year.

The Chargers are a stingy unit that should absolutely get after people.  Taco Charlton is a great pick and joins an absolutely vicious defensive line which already had Cameron Wake, Corey Liuget, and Margus Hunt, as well as the great “nope, I’m not even going to try to spell it”.  The secondary  is excellent as well, with Eric Weddle, Calvin Pryor, Prince Amukamura (angling to murder his father and become King), Robert McClain, and Budda Baker all angling for key roles and putting up the points – and that’s not even counting Deone Bucannon, who should be back with a vengeance.  Things fall down a bit at LB (Spencer Paysinger and Benardrick McKinney ain’t quite all that and a bag o’ chips – no chips to be seen, not even pringles), but its still an excellent defense overall.

A new city calls for a new logo. I propose this one for the Chargers!

The offense, though… less so much.  After Rivers, there is Travis Benjamin… and then a whole lot of the opposite of serene tacos.  More like stressed out tofu salads.  Ryan Matthews is in a better position than usual because he’s not an injury risk… but that’s because he doesn’t have a job.  The running back with the closest thing to an opportunity is Troymaine Pope.  Antonio Gates is still alive and back for more, but has certainly lost a step and Gavin Escobar hasn’t picked one up.  The lackluster receiving group of Stevie Johnson, Jermaine Kearse, and Justin Hunter isn’t saving anyone.

Oh C’mon. Troymaine is the most sensible Pope name in years.

It’s not a bad Chargers team – it has a decent defense.  But the 2017 edition of LA reminds me of the last few editions of Indy – a quarterback, a solid defense, and an offense that could average 30 a week.  It’s enough to be competitive and annoying many weeks – but not enough to contend for a division championship.

Denver Broncos (6-10): Joining the Chargers in the “teams that are solid enough to be competitive, but not strong enough to win a division” division are the Denver Broncos.  The Broncos do have some really promising puzzle pieces, but their hopes took a major hit when Paxton Lynch lost the starting job.  it’s hard to compete in this league without a starting QB.

Essentially, the Broncos are the anti-chargers (I guess this makes them the run-away-at-a-fast-pacers?  The routers?  The brave, brave, brave, sir robins?  You tell me.).  If you combined the two teams, you’d have an unstoppable team.  The Chargers have a great QB, the Broncos have a benchwarmer.  The Broncos have solid offensive playmakers like Demaryius Thomas, Jack Doyle, Marshawn Lynch, and DeSean Jackson… the Chargers don’t.  The Chargers have a fantastic defensive line and an excellent secondary but struggle at linebacker… the Broncos have a fantastic linebacking trio of Ahmad Brooks, Danny Trevathan, and Kyle Van Noy, with Preston Smith at backup, but struggle on the line and have Chris Harris Jr and not a whole lot else in the secondary.  I sincerely hope these teams don’t join forces.

Ladies and gents, I give you your 2017 Denver anti-chargers!

Which team do I think is going to play better?  Well, the name appeal gives the edge to the Broncos – it’s hard to bet against Demaryius, DeSean, Beast Mode, and Jack Doyle, particularly when guys like Cole Beasley, DeAndre Washington, and Jeff Janis are providing a modicum of production behind them.  So that’s my temptation.

But if there’s one thing we’ve learned over the last few years in this league, it is that the better defense usually wins.  Indy is competitive every year with Luck and a defense.  Teams like Buffalo, Pittsburgh, the Giants, the Chiefs, and even the Lions have won their divisions with defense.  There’s just more players and more consistency over a 12 week, 16 game season.  Combined with that Paxton Lynch shaped zero at Quarterback, I think Denver faces at least one more year in the cellar – not a pleasant prospect for a team that doesn’t own either its first or second round picks in 2018.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Real Deal (Football) Report – 2017 Predictions: The East!

We now turn our attention towards the rising sun, that mighty land of lobsters, alligators, and attitude.  Phase II of our perfect predictions starts now.  And we begin, counterintuitively, with the NFC East.

NFC East:

New York Giants (11-5): Same as it ever was.  The New York Giants kicked off their RDFL experience with an epic tanking job in 2013 where they finished dead last in Fantasy Points.  Since then, they have finished in the top 4 in fantasy points in the entire NFL EVERY. SINGLE. YEAR.  2nd in 2014.  4th in 2015.  And first in 2016.  And yet they have never made it to the Super Bowl.

Finish Reading: Real Deal (Football) Report – 2017 Predictions: The East!

New York has become the dominant regular season squad that just can’t seem to put it all together for a playoff run.  It’s no longer about what happens in the fall for the New York Giants.  It’s what happens after the Thanksgiving that matters. And while I still think the Giants will be good enough to win the division, I begin to worry that that the window might be closing.

Uhoh. I love this team. It’s been so good I really don’t want to ge here… But if the shoe fits…

Let’s start with the passing game.  Eli Manning, for all his bizarre fluctuations as a real quarterback, is always fantasy relevant, and this year should be no exception at all with the weapons at his disposal in a McAdoo system and a division bereft of strong secondaries.  Antonio Brown, DeAndre Hopkins, and Larry Fitzgerald make a star-studded trio of receivers, and DeMarco Murray should have at least one more year of powerful running in him.

The defense is not really led by Robert “Come all without, come all within, you’ll not see nothing like the mighty” Quinn, but I needed excuse to use that jingle, and it is stout.  Myles Jack anchors the interior, Carlos Dunlap the front line, and Trumaine Johnson plays the role of a strong cover corner.  It will be good.

Still, there are holes on this team, for once.  Eric Ebron isn’t on par with the rest of the starting offense, and the offense itself lacks depth after the star-studded front lines.  On defense, there are actual holes, actual weaknesses in the Giants veneer of power.  New York will be relying on guys like Maliek Collins, Trey Flowers, Devon Kennard, Andrew Sendejo, and Josh Jones for meaningful outings in the quest for a Super Bowl.  It’s going to be a strong squad some weeks, but I can also see weeks where this team could get well under 200, an almost unheard of result for the past three years.

It’s a strong team.  Probably strong enough to win the NFC East yet again.  But not the sort of prohibitive favorite we’ve come to expect from Big Blue, and with teams like Detroit, Carolina, and Atlanta trolling the NFC and looking for prey, probably not a favorite to get that elusive Super Bowl berth, much as I think the Giants deserve it.  Like the early 2000s Seattle Mariners and the recent Washington Capitals, the New York Real Deal Giants might go down in history as one of the best regular season teams ever and lack hardware to show for their dynasty.

Oh how I loved this team. And oh how much pain it brought me. C’mon NYG. Get over the top!

 

Philadelphia Eagles (10-6): One thing I can guarantee is that the Philadelphia Eagles have zero sympathy.  ZERO. They give no fucks.  From day #1, two things have been true about the NFC East – the Eagles have been good and the Redskins have been bad.  It has just been Philly’s misfortune to be surrounded by dominant squads – first Dallas, and then the Giants.  I can tell you this much – the Birds are salivating at any hint of weakness coming from New York, and waiting to pounce at the first sign of trouble.  Could it be their year?

Well, yes.  It absolutely could.  Why?  This defense is fan-freaking-tastic.  A look at the names is not going to fill anyone with awe, but it goes literally 17 deep with starting players who should play key roles on their respective teams. Ezekiel Ansah, Fletcher Cox, Deion Jones, Dre Kirkpatrick, Damarious Randall, Connor Barwin, Tashaun Gipson, the Honey Badger – even guys like Eric Rowe coming off the bench.  It’s a strong, solid defense and one I expect to hit triple digits on a fairly regular basis.  One that should outclass the Giants defense by a significant margin.

Your 2017 Philadelphia Eagles Offense!!!!

The question facing the Eagles is simply this: Can their collection of misfits and ne’erdowells on the offensive end keep pace with the strutting star power of guys like Antonio Brown, DeAndre Hopkins, and Larry Fitzgerald.

Well… maybe.  There are intriguing players here, to be sure.  Derek Carr is growing into a bona fide stud, and could match Eli.  Taylor Gabriel, Malcolm Mitchell, Ty Montgomery (still with WR eligibility), Spencer Ware, Jamaal Charles, and Tyler Higbee… you look at these names, and on recognition alone, you expect Philly to get laughed out of the stadium.  But man.  Gabriel’s a nice player.  Mitchell’s a nice player.  Montgomery might be an RB1. So might Ware.  J-Mail might still have a year left.  Higbee might explode.  Fitzgerald might fade.  Hopkins might have another down year.  DeMarco might get hurt…

It feels a little bit like the American Revolution.  You know damn well the Redcoats SHOULD win.  They have every advantage… BUT.  BUT.  I don’t know.

Shoot ’em from the trees and you might have a chance.

In all likelihood, the Giant offense smokes Philly’s by 50 points or more every game, it’s not a gap the defense can make up, and the Eagles maintain their bridesmaid streak.  But.  But…

 

Dallas Cowboys (7-9): After Philly, this division gets bad in a hurry.  After looking at Dallas’ roster for this piece, I had to do a quick double check on Washington’s, because certainly this team is going to finish in last place.  But no.  Dallas will finish third.  Comfortably ahead of the hapless Redskins.  And comfortably behind Philadelphia and New York.

The Cowboys are actually on a pretty good track.  DeShaun Watson is plugged in at QB for the foreseeable future, and Dalvin Cook as stud RB – taking care of the two hardest positions in Real Deal to find for the long term.  Jake Butt is not a sure thing, but could be a franchise TE sooner rather than later as well.  After that, though… man.  Paul Richardson and Marquess Wilson are two guys who were pretty lustrous when they were drafted, but have lost a lot of that appeal after people saw them actually play.  DeMarcus Robinson is probably nearing his ceiling as a filler guy, and Alex Collins seems perennially trapped at 3rd or 4th on the running back depth chart.  There’s no depth at all on offense.  The cupboard is really, really bare.

The NFC East can be a scary place.

Flipping over to the defense reminded me of the scene from Home Alone 2 where Kevin is running through New York at night and freaking out about the bird lady.  He screams for a taxi, hops in, and tells the back of the driver’s head “It’s scary out there.”  The driver looks back, and resembling nothing so much as a warty ogre, remarks “Ain’t much better in here kid”, at which Kevin screams and runs away.  This experience has a double parallel for Dallas.  On the one hand, it’s what I think of their chances with Philadelphia (the creepy bird lady) and New York (the ogre in the cab).  More relevantly, it was my personal experience when I jumped from the offensive side of the roster to the defensive one.  “That offense is scary!”.  “Not much better here on defense, kid”.

And it isn’t.  Jalen Collins is suspended for 10 games.  Which one ups Dominique Easley, who is both injured and out of a job.  It’s slim pickings even among the players who are starting.  Brandon Carr and Mo Claiborne represent the perennial “we’ve never been very good Cowboy Corners” club, and Byron Jones is trying desperately not to slide into that role.  John Jenkins could be good up front, but has never had the fantasy productivity you hope for.  Anthony Hitchens and Shaq Thompson could be decent at linebacker.  But man.  Zach Orr is technically retired.  Perry Riley’s out of a job.  So’s Ricardo Matthews.  Corey Graham is on a one year prove it deal as a backup safety.  The rest of the defense are unproven rookies without clear paths to significant roles.  It’s rough.

Still, this team has some franchise pieces in place, and a clear plan, which is actually pretty exceptional considering where the previous owner left the team following a series of brutal trades in which most of Dallas’ good pieces ended up on the Falcons.  It’s a tough road for Dallas, but the team is headed in a good direction.

Washington Redskins (4-12): And yet, with all its holes, with all its challenges, Dallas remains light years ahead of Washington.  The Skins have been stuck in neutral essentially since the start of the league, plagued with a brutally strong division and handicapped by both a dearth of franchise talent in the initial draft and by the inaugural owner – who made a really bad win now trade with the Giants that essentially set both teams on their current courses.  It’s been a monumental challenge for subsequent and current owners.  But the Skins ARE finally on the path.  A full rebuild has Washington with no less than four first round picks in 2018, a couple of which should be juicy.

Still, the road up remains long and the path remains challenging for a Washington team that remains brutally bereft of true talent.  Colt McCoy is the quarterback.  The best player on offense is hands down Terrance Williams.  UPDATE: WAS Terrance Williams.  He now plays for… you guessed it.  The Giants.  And besides him, only Tyler Kroft and Ricardo Louis have any sort of potential – and one guy is stuck behind Tyler Eifert while the other plays for the Cleveland Browns.  The defense is better, with guys like Ryan Shazier, David Amerson, Xavier Rhodes, Kenny Vaccaro, Chris Smith, and Robert Nkemdiche offering at the very least hope, and in some cases, strong play.

The worm can turn fast in this league, once a team gets some traction.  Tennessee rebuilt.  Jacksonville is on the path.  The Giants sort of did it.  The Bills have turned into worldbeaters, albeit more through incredible trading acumen than a true rebuild.  The Vikings are about to turn the corner.  Miami could be great soon.  And Washington is positioned.  This young defense could grow into something exceptional over the next year or two.  And with four first rounders in 2018, the Skins could be ready for an infusion of talent on offense as well.  The Redskins might be approaching that point where they can flip the go switch and finally kick things into gear, just as the Giants finally descend from the mountain.

The Redskins locker room is filled with motivational nonsense like this.

But it won’t be this year.  Like the real world 76ers mired in the Process, long-suffering Skins fans have one more campaign of misery.  But there is a hint of dawn on the horizon.

 

AFC East: 

Buffalo Bills (12-4): The Eastern divisions of RDFL are nothing, if not predictable.  The last time the Bills didn’t win the AFC East was 2013 – coincidentally, the last time the Giants didn’t win the NFC East. In some ways, the two teams have been mirror images of each other – star studded juggernauts who have monstered through their relative leagues with ease, but have yet to win the Big One.  Buffalo, at least, has made a Super Bowl (2015), but both have known the disappointment of having utterly dominant squads, but falling short of the ultimate prize.  Buffalo particularly is coming off a brutal conclusion to 2016 where injuries and suspension obliterated their lineup and they were knocked out of the playoffs on a last minute, Monday night 80 yard touchdown pass to Chris Hogan with just a few minutes to play.  It’s been rough.

Still, the Bills, like the Giants, remain poised for at least one more campaign, and even more than the Giants remain positioned to maintain long-term domination via trading.  Miami and New England will pose perennial challenges within the division, and Kansas City, Houston and Pittsburgh continue to pose consistent conference threats, but the Bills remain the cream of the conference – and really deserve a year of good luck.

In all honesty, though, they might not need luck.  This team reads like a who’s who list of all-star studs from top to bottom.  Adrian Peterson.  Devontae Freeman.  AJ Green.  Rob Gronkowski.  Alshon Jeffery.  Doug Baldwin.  Khalil Mack. Jason Pierre Paul (still with a hand!), Aaron Donald, Navorro Bowman…  Even the guys who aren’t big names, like Tyrod Taylor, Anthony Brown, Mike Adams, Jerry Hughes, and George Iloka are good players.  And if that wasn’t enough, the Bills have Christian McCaffery and OJ Howard just chilling on their Practice Squad (their Practice Squad!) and six 1st and 2nd round picks in 2019.  It’s enough to make someone swear.  Detroit – that’s your cue.

And this is what’s all over the Bills locker room. Which, actually, is a bit creepy.

If I had to nitpick, it would be to note that the Bills don’t have the kind of depth they did in past years.  Where once they could wrangle people into submission with a 15 deep starting defensive core and a flood of solid offensive back-ups, it’s not quite the case here.  There may even be a couple holes on defense.  But man.  That’s such a minor nitpick when you have that kind of star power – and the luxury of having guys like McCaffery and Howard not even PLAY their first year.  Silliness.  Barring another ridiculous batch of injuries, the Bills should cruise Anthony Davis Kentucky style to yet another AFC East title, and another excellent chance to end that Super Bowl drought.

 

New England Patriots (9-7): How do they do it?  The ultimate “win now” squad, Ric Nowinsky’s Patriots pursue victory every game and every year, building through underpriced veterans with an almost appalling lack of regard for draft picks.  It’s the sort of strategy that never works in the NFL and that you constantly expect to lead to cratering and ruin a la Brooklyn Nets even in fantasy.  And yet.  Every year.  There they are.  Right there in the playoff hunt, competing for playoff berths and making a royal pesky nuisance of themselves.  If not for the dominance of the Bills and a pair of brutal practice squad forfeits a couple years ago, we might be talking about the most unorthodox RDFL dynasty ever.

And somehow, some way, the Patriots are poised to contend again with the most geriatric group of geezers this world has ever seen.  Tom Brady is going strong at QB, Frank Gore continues to churn along at RB when most of his peers have forsaken the rock for the wheelchair, and Mike Wallace is an elder statesman at wide receiver after somehow reinventing his entire career.  The Patriots have supplemented their veterans with potential value finds and castoffs like Cameron Brate, Nelson Agholor, Lamar Miller, and Charles Clay – and frankly, seem poised to field a really nice offense.

Hard Knocks, New England Patriots style!

The defense… well, the defense, as always, has holes.  It has studs like Eric Berry and Stephon Gilmore in the defensive secondary, and surprisingly fantasy productive guys like Jatavis Brown and Jaylen Watkins.  But man does it have some holes as well.  Guys like Tyson Alualu, Bronson Kaufusi, Elandon Roberts, Marcus Roberts, and Letroy Guion will have to play above their historical contributions.  And that will still leave guys like Brennan Scarlet and Cre’Von LeBlanc to prove that they are actual NFL players and not hokey template characters in a bad remake of “Clue II: Revenge of the Wrench”.

It’s the same blend that has combined to make New England one of the most fun and unpredictable teams in all of Real Deal.  A strong, unconventional offense, combined with defensive studs and spare parts that somehow puts it right in the thick of a playoff picture every year.  Including 2017.

 

Miami Dolphins (7-9): That sound you heard when Ryan Tannehill’s knee popped was the mournful wailing of everyone in Miami bemoaning a serious blow to their playoff chances.  But what you probably should have heard was relief.  This injury gives what could be among the best up and coming offenses in the game another year to develop and, potentially, add another high draft pick to add to the asset stash for when this team is truly ready to compete.  Just don’t sign Cutler.  Don’t do it.  Don’t.  Do.  It.

Look, if New England is the bizarre beginning of Benjamin Button, Miami is the heartfelt conclusion.   Here’s the offense:

  • Colin Kaepernick.  Age: Doesn’t Matter.  Status: Blackballed.
  • Leonard Fournette.  Age: 22.  Status: Rookie of the Year.
  • Tevin Coleman. Age: 24.  Status: Damn good backup
  • Breshad Perriman. Age: 23.  Status: Hasn’t quite lost his luster.
  • Kevin White. Age: 25. Status: Ready to rock… if Trubisky pans out, of course.
  • Jeremy Hill.  Age: 24.  Status: They drafted a convict to take his job.  He cranky.
  • Sammy Watkins.  Age: 24.  Status: Blueballed
  • Corey Davis. Age: 22.  Status: Star of the high flying Tennessee Titan passing game.  Yeah.  You heard me right.
  • Danny Vitale.  Age: 23.  Status: I don’t know who this guy is.  I think he might have a job because he’s related to DIckie V.  I can think of no other reason
  • Jacoby Brisssett.  Age: 23.  Status: Balls owned by Bill Belichick, never to be seen again.
  • Josh Doctson. Age: 24.  Status: About to see the magical land of opportunity in Washington
  • Gerald Everett. Age: 23.  Status: Duking it out with the Higbee.

There’s other guys just on offense, but man I’m bored making that list.  And seriously?  I think it might be obscuring the point.  LOOK AT THOSE GUYS.  Leo Fournette, Tevin Coleman, Breshad Perriman, Kevin White, Jeremy Hill, Sammy Watkins, Corey Davis, Josh Doctson, Gerald Everett… I mean, are you freaking kidding me?  ALL under 25.  ALL studs.  This is a terrifying array of talent.

 

Awww…. the 2017 Dolphins are just so stinkin’ CUTE!!! Yet another reason not to sign Cutler. Don’t let him near children.

Fortunately for all humankind, the defense is just as young, but not the same level of imposing.  The starting lineup is strewn with guys like Marcus Smith, Jordan Phillips, Quinten Rollins, and Tony Lippett – younger guys without clear paths to playing time.  These folks mingle with players like Vonn Bell, Michael Thomas, and Charles Harris who are the genuine hope of the youth movement and on a parallel track with the offense.  Also of concern, the Dolphins are devastated at Linebacker with injuries, with both Trent Williams and Dannell Ellerbe lost for the season and Shane Ray out for the critical multiple-weeks early in the year.  Vince Williams is Miami’s only linebacker available for week 1.

End of the story, injuries at major positions on both offense and defense have left glaring holes in Miami’s chances in 2017.  But a ridiculous collection of up and coming young talent has Miami poised for the future, if they can pick up just a couple more guys on defense – something another year of mediocrity and high draft picks might allow them to do.  Blessings in disguise.

 

New York Jets (4-12): No blessings and no disguises here.  Only brutal, gritty, film noir reality.  Like Washington, the poor Jets have been all aboard the struggle bus since year #1.  Eerily parallel.  A tough division, paired with a dominant team, and saddled with a lack of talent from the franchise draft.  Unlike Washington, the Jets have taken a stand pat tactic, rarely trading and gradually building year upon year from strong draft picks and forays into free agency.  A more conventional team-building process – neither advanced by strong trades and tanking, or derailed by bad decisions.

It’s not ready to pay off yet.  The Jets HAVE talent – a big three of Carson Wentz, Melvin Gordon, and Stefon Diggs is nothing to sneeze at on offense, and it’s much more than a big three on defense: Mo Wilkerson, Demario Davis, Vernon Hargreaves, and HaHa Clinton Dix, just to name a few.  Mike Williams would have been a great fourth for the offense if the injury bug hadn’t struck.  The problem is that there isn’t enough quantity.  And the second problem is that while some of the draft picks have been fantastic, some others like Johnny Manziel have simply not panned out.

Real footage from the NYJ ownership meetings this offseason

There’s definitely talent and hope here beyond the front guys.  Rasul Douglas was a canny pick who may see some clear time for the CB-needy Eagles.  AJ Klein should catapult to a starting role with the Saints when he gets healthy after being stuck behind Luke Kuechly for years.  Vernon Butler, Sharif Floyd, and Leonard Williams are all highly touted young players with potential.  Jeff Heuerman has had a lot of buzz for the Broncos at times.  But they certainly aren’t ready for yet, and there are no guarantees that the ceiling for any of these guys will be what New York needs.

The Jets need a break.  They need a fourth round draft pick to come out of nowhere to become a star.  They need to win a blockbuster trade.  They need to turn players into assets and assets into players.  Because the trajectory is up.  But it’s a long slow curve, and it’s not at all clear that the ceiling of that curve ends at the top of the division, not with Buffalo poised to stay good for years to come, New England’s perennial mad wizardry, and an under 25 dolphins roster that is loaded with rocket fuel and about to get launched to the stratosphere.  It’s a conundrum.

Real Deal Dynasty (Football) Predictions: The South!

Season Five y’all.  We’re moving into our fifth season of existence.

And as always, to honor the legacies of those, who have won before, I’ll begin the preview with a reiteration of Super Bowls past.

In 2013, the Green Bay Packers, in their one and only season being run by the immortal Shane Katz, defeated the Indianapolis Colts 186-171.

In 2014, Darren Leung’s Pittsburgh Steelers used clutch catches from one Albert Wilson to knock off the favored Dallas Cowboys 216-206.

In 2015, Pedro Canteiro’s Carolina Panthers quietly assassinated a series of powerhouse squads before finally claiming the Championship over the Buffalo Bills, 232-220.

Then, last year, in 2016, Michael Seraphim’s infamous Detroit Lions mashed through the NFC to overcome the Houston Texans, 200-189.

Finish Reading: Real Deal Dynasty (Football) Predictions: The South!

Four years in the books.  Four different champions.  Eight different Super Bowl participants.  Only one team has made the playoffs in every year of the league’s existence.  This is a tough league to win.  All of which makes this coming year all the more exciting.  Who will win it all in 2017?  And who can possibly wait for the end of the year to find out?

No worries, my friends!  The season is largely unnecessary.  A mere formality.  I’m about to tell you who is going to win.  So pull up a chair and get ready to have your mind filled with brilliant prognostication!  With my 0/4 record of predicting championships and 1/8 run of predicting Super Bowl participants (Buffalo 2015, I see you), you can certainly trust my analysis.

Yes, this is what I do. And what I wear. Don’t judge me.
I sorry. I even sorrier than the guy who gave Brock Osweiler that contract. Well. Maybe not that sorry. But sorry.

But before I get to it, one final apology.  Detroit and Houston both had epic playoff runs last year on the way to Super Bowl glory.  They deserved to be covered, chronicled, an heaped with praise week in and week out.  But I was a slacker last year and did not give either of them the writing or the credit they deserved.  I can’t really fix that now – but please guys, accept my heartfelt apologies for not giving you the column space you both so richly deserved!

On to the predictions – this year, we begin with the South divisions.  I’m pretty sure I haven’t started there before.  But it’s also possible that I think that every year, and have started with them three years running.  Whatever.  I’ll get to everyone, so hold your horses! 🙂

 

 

AFC South:

Houston Texans (11-5): It’s hard to repeat as the AFC Champion.  And in a division as competitive as the AFC South, it may be hard to even get a repeat playoff berth.  But the Texans, my friends, are loaded for the bear.  How so?  Well, the Texans have pursued a startlingly effective strategy I eloquently like to call “Find the scarce resource and hoard the shit out of it”.  In this case, that scarce resource is workhorse running backs.  With the rise of platoons, actual stud workhorse running backs have gone the way of the Dodo bird and the well-paying coal mining job.  You can’t find them.  You can’t bring them back from China. They are extinct.  Except for in Houston.  That’s the one place you can still find a classic RB1.  At one point this off-season, Houston had David Johnson, Jordan Howard, Mike Gillislee, and Carlos Hyde all chilling on the roster.  Even after flipping Hyde for a king’s ransom, the Texans are still sitting on what could be three of the leagues top ten backs, and very likely two of the top five.  That’s silly, and as a liberal, I am well within my rights to demand running back redistribution.

He haz all the running backs of all the shapes and sizes.

The problem for the rest of the league is that the rest of this team is good too.  Jameis Winston looks like a franchise QB, Austin Hooper is poised to break out at Tight End, and while the receiving corps won’t finish among the league’s best, a combination of Chris Hogan, Donte Moncrief, Ted Ginn and Tonic, and Kenny Golladay should get the job done.  Defensively, this time is well set up to stop the pass with an excellent secondary of Jonathan Cyprien, Desmond Trufant, and Earl Thomas anchoring the defensive backfield.  The ancient and oft-injured Brian Cushing is joined in the defensive secondary by the less ancient but still injured Bruce Irvin and the rarely injured but sometimes high Chandler Jones.  It seems complicated.  But it’s a good complicated.  Even the defensive front line, which should be this squad’s weakness, received a solid infusion of talent with Solomon Thomas.

This team isn’t a super team.  It’s not going to death march folks the way we’ve seen with some squads.  But it’s very good.  It lacks weaknesses.  And I anticipate a lot of games where the Texans bring in the jumbo set, hand it off a billion teams, and pound the rest of us to dust.

Tennessee Titans (8-8):

Every year, I declare that Tennessee is an up and coming young team.  Improving.  Young stars.  Getting better and better.  Last year, I thought they were in contention, but potentially a year away.  They got close.  And Houston was supposed to get old, paving the way for the rebuild to become the winner.  Somehow, though, Houston got young instead of getting old.  I’m not sure how that works.  And I’m not sure Tennessee has the horses to get over the top – despite being a better team with increasing star power.

There’s no question that this squad will go as far as Odell Beckham Jr. will take them.  He’s a stud, and one of the best receivers in the game when his head is on straight, finishing second only to Antonio Brown in WR points.  He’ll get some help too, as Sam Bradford is clearly ensconced as the starter in Minnesota and Paul Perkins is set to take over as the unquestioned starter for the Giants.  Ndamukong Suh and Danielle Hunter anchor what should be a vicious, fantastic front line, and the Linebacking group and secondary were solid pieces even before the addition of Jaylon Brown.

That said, I just think there are two many question marks here – still.  Tennessee needs high caliber contributions from guys like Dwayne Allen, Jimmy Smith, Russell Shepard, Tajae Sharp, and Devin Funchess, and outside of the linebacking group, just doesn’t have a lot of depth.  Aside from OBJ, the team also doesn’t have the super high end players that can make up for that lack of depth.

I used to be the up and coming young team, not these $#&)(# in Jacksonville. Where did it all go wrong?

I think this team will be good.  I think it has the potential to be very, very good.  But some how, some way, this squad doesn’t have the same feel of magic I’ve been looking at for the past couple of years – and it will be one of the season’s more intriguing story lines to see if they can recapture it.

Indianapolis Colts (7-9):

Luck… to Edelman…. Touchdown!  Luck… to Edelman… Touchdown!  Luck… uhoh… looks like they have 7 guys covering Edelman…  Luck… uh… throws it away.

That was the 2016 addition of the Colts.  A solid defense, a quarterback who defines franchise, a stud receiver (when not posing for the body issue or fighting Stephon Gilmore), and a whole lot of nothing else.  It’s hard to win with 35 point offensive performances in this league.

Will it be different in 2017?  It could be.  Will Fuller is a oozing with potential.  Err… never mind.  The pundits are saying good things about Troy Niklas, who certainly has the inside track to a starting role.  Deonte Thompson… well.  Ok. I’ll stop.  To make the playoffs, the Colts would need a series of breaks including an injury to Spencer Ware freeing up the massively overpriced Charcandrick West for a starting role, Bruce Ellington surviving both competition and the offensive dead zone that is San Francisco, and rookie additions like Jonnu Smith and Wayne Gallman making unexpected noise.  It’s bleak.

The defense is solid, but a little nondescript.  Landon Collins is fantastic, and anchors a secondary that should be the strength of the defense with both cagey vets like Antoine Bethea and rising youngsters like Eli Apple.  It’s a similar meshing of the old and new inside where the Colts are hoping to coax one more your from the dessicating body of Brian Orakpo while young guns like Blake Martinez continue their rise to prominence.

As I always do, I’m going back and forth on this roster.  It’s got some nice pieces, and some decent depth.  But the offense…. but maybe Gallman and Niklas will be great… but it’s still only four players… but the defense… is it good?  Or decent?  Or bad?  Maybe this team could be sneaky good?  Maybe…  In the end, I think this famous graphic sums up my feelings…

Precisely how I feel about the Colts this year

Jacksonville Jaguars (6-10): The Jagulars (spelling intentional) have become the new Tennessee Titans – full of potential, burgeoning with young talent, and not quite ready to win yet.  If this was 2020, I would be all in on the Jags.  A finally starting Jimmy Garoppolo would be chucking touchdowns to veteran statesman Marqise Lee and all around studs Cooper Kupp and Rashard Higgins, while David Njoku has ascended to a top 5 TE role and Kareem Hunt is a first round pick in normal fantasy drafts.  On defense, guys like Jalen Ramsey and Malik Hooker form a new legion of boom, and Yannick Ngakoue continues to sack everyone who can’t spell his name (which is everyone).  This team looks silly good then.

However, it’s 2017, not 2020.  So Jimmy Garoppolo continues to languish on the bench behind the Darth Vader of

When you google 2020, this is what comes up. What the Jags will be driving to their victory parade?

football, putting up a weekly zero.  Kupp, Higgins, Njoku and Hunt will face depth chart struggles and rookie bumps.  Like Indianapolis, this team has the potential to score an exceptionally small number of offensive points on a weekly basis.  Unlike Indy, this team does not have a starting QB, and Marqise Lee is not Julian Edelman.  There will be growing pains.

That said, Jacksonville is going to be a pain in the arse to play against this year for contenders.  The reason is that defense.  It’s straight up exceptional, and doesn’t need to wait a long time to be so.  We’ve already mentioned Ngakoue, who is a bone fide stud.  But listen to this group of young stars: Ngakoue, Jabaal Sheard, Bud Dupree, CJ Mosley, Linval Joseph Mark Barron, Bashaud Breeland, Jalen Ramsey, Malik Hooker, Kamalei Correa.  That’s without even mentioning Trae Waynes, Obum Gwachum, and Kevin Byard.

Very quietly, the Jags have put together a core of talent on both sides of the ball that could position them to dominate the AFC for years to come.  The defense is ready much earlier than the offense – but that could just mean another high draft pick or two while the young guys develop.

That said, young talent is notoriously unreliable.  Guys you think will be franchise players don’t pan out and randoms ascend to stardom.  Will Jacksonville take Tennessee’s path on an exciting ride to fizzle-city, or actually make the leap?  It will be fun to see, and I like the plan.

 

NFC South:  A word to the wise, the moderately wise, and the dumbass who traded Paul Perkins for Wendell Smallwood straight up (what a fool, that guy!): the NFC South is a brutal division.  I maintain that all four squads last year were playoff caliber, with Atlanta, Carolina, and New Orleans all in possession of Super Bowl Champion rosters.  Not only has this division produced one out of four of our Super Bowl champions, it has also produced the closest thing we’ve seen to an undefeated season (New Orleans) and some of the best divisional races year in, year out.

It’s going to be the same old story this year.

Carolina Panthers (10-6): Never start a land war in Asia.  Never draft a kicker before the last round of a fantasy draft.  Never bet against Carolina.  Remember those three maxims, my son, and you will do well in both life and afterlife.  The Panthers are quiet, unassuming, and deadly.  Like a Canadian Jason Bourne with bruised vocal cords.

Pretty much…

It starts at the top this year, where the great Dabbasaurus Rex is ready for a rebound year, replete with running and passing scores.  It continues on defense, where the linebacking trio of Luke Kuechly, Alex Okafor, and Melvin Ingram should be one of the league’s best.  It continues in proximity to Philadelphia where the recently arrived LeGarrette Blount should grab a feature back role (albeit in a pass driven offense), the recently departed Bennie Logan should dominate up front for KC, and the recently rich Zach Ertz should hopefully get over that sophomore and junior slump and emerge into stardom.

Beyond that, this team has solidity and depth at every position.  Mark Ingram is a strong second back (unless AP steals his job, which I doubt), Fast Willie Snead and Robert “Are we out of the Woods yet?” will provide some excellent receiving options.  Steve Smith and Eddie Royal will even keep Carolina competitive in the retirement home league, and MIchael Floyd and Michael Thomas will keep them competitive in the rehab league.  Carl Lawson and Jamal Adams show that this team still has youth, and the roster on both sides of the ball is filled out with quality players. Depth.  Everywhere.

So what’s the problem?  The lack of sure things and the level of competition.  What if Ingram does lose his job, or end up

What you gotta be, to win the South. Blue nose and all.

in a platoon? What if Ertz is eclipsed by all the Eagles new receivers, Wentz has a sophomore slump, and Doug Peterson inexplicably forgets to hand the ball off to LeGarrette Blount at the goal line?  What if last year was not a fluke for Cam, but the new reality?  What if Kuechly gets inured?  A lot would have to go wrong for Carolina to be a  bad team.  But like the Tony the Tiger challenge, in this division, it’s not enough to be good, you’ve got to be Grrrreeeaaat!

Atlanta Falcons (10-6):

On paper, the Falcons look like the best team in the AFC South.  After repeatedly fleecing the old Cowboys owner in trades, triumphantly drafting Jared Goff, and then somewhat less triumphantly grabbing both Carson Palmer and Mike Glennon to start until Jared Goff starts playing like a quarterback at the level of a Brian Hoyer or Brock Osweiler, the Falcons should be ready to fly.

And I mean fly.  This team packs a silly one-two punch at receiver with Julio Jones and Kelvin Benjamin, and backs that nonsense up with Mohammed Sanu and John Brown.  There’s a lot of speed and a lot of receptions to be had in that wide receiving corps.  Julius “not so caesar-like now” Thomas underwhelmed last year, but is looking to bounce back with his new strategy of “think like a defensive back”.  It apparently doesn’t work to try to catch balls when Blake Bortles is trying to throw it to you, so if you have an interception mindset, it should double your receptions.  If it sticks, he could be good.  Training camp concussions are a concern for Jay Ajayi, and being Eddie Lacy is a concern for Eddie Lacy, but there’s enough firepower and depth here that the offense should be excellent.

A’Shawn Robinson? That’s THE’Shawn Robinson, bitch.

On defense, this team’s strength is in the middle, with Zach Thomas, Christian Kirksey, Thomas Davis, and Sean Lee providing a silly Linebacking group that could also be a law firm (Davis, Thomas, Lee, and Kirksey – Attorneys at Law).  Interestingly enough, all the last names could be first names too, though the guy named Kirksey would probably get made fun of).  There’s also some major beef in the middle of the front line, monsters like Ra’Shede Hageman (warcraft villain), A’Shawn Robinson, Michael Bennett and Clinton McDonald.  The trick is that some of these guys are better at eating blockers than ballcarriers, so actual tackles and points could be harder to come by.  But it’s a big, high potential group of guys.  The secondary could be the Falcs achilles heel.  Brett Grimes is good, but on the downside of his career, the Robinsons (Josh and Patrick) aren’t quite there yet, and aren’t quite good either, and Tony Jefferson faces injury concerns.

End of the day, it should be a high-scoring pass-happy affair when the Falcons play anybody, and I think this could be the year when Atlanta gets over the top.  But I don’t ever bet against Carolina.  That’s not a game you can win.  It’s rigged by the house.  Or the Russians.

New Orleans Saints (7-9): 

Oh N’awlins.  I love your accents.  I love your mysticism, your haunted cemetary tours, your voodoo peoples, your catfish (so, so good!) and your strange housing styles.  I love your team.  I love your QB. And I love what this could look like if everything broke right.

But I do not like your questions marks.  I do not like them Sam I Am.  Not in a division like this.  Not in the mighty South.  Atlanta and Carolina have certainty at key spots, and redundancy behind them just in case.  It’s more layers of redundancy than a Trump speech.  They have good players.  They have the best players.  People tell them all the time they have the best players.

I’ve lost control of this metaphor and I don’t really know what it has to do with the article.

New Orleans, though, is risky. New Orleans is a Casino.  New Orleans is a huge bet on self-driving cars.  And in this division… I can’t take that bet.

So what are the sure things?  Well, Drew Brees is as sure as they come.  And I suppose we can put Golden Tate in that camp as well.  He’s not certain, but signs definitely point to him being a really good bet this year.  Brandon Graham and Jordan Cameron gonna sack some folk.  Malcolm Jenkins will show up with his patented blend of great plays and blown coverages to score fantasy points and receive acclaim for his “leadership.”  James Harrison will be reasonably productive on the field and exceptionally productive saying mean things about Roger Goodell.  And Kiko Alonso will get hurt a couple weeks in.  Dude is as bad as Jordan Reed for that nonsense…

But that’s about where it ends.  There are question marks about literally every other player on the roster, including both the kicker and the punter.  This roster resembles nothing so much as one of those hideous “summer math packets” the teachers used to assign when you were in middle school because it has so many questions.  Those summer-ruining bastards.  And it’s being perpetuated, you know. My 13 year old daughter has a 23 page math packet to do over the summer.  The summer.  There’s a lot of bitter divide in Washington, but can’t we all come together to ban this nonsense?  Literally nobody is in favor of summer homework, and if you are a teacher, and you assign it, you are a bad person and lack moral agency.  Period.

It’s literally the same impossibly happy nightmare face I see in my mind whenever Detroit tries to sell me on a trade for a guy I’ve never heard of. Summer math and that trade offer are both bad! You don’t convince me, demon ice cream face!

Ahem.  Anyway.  Let’s talk about the question marks and associated questions:

  • Darren Sproles: When does your age catch up with you?  It’s chasing you like the wolf in the Duran Duran song, and it wants to eat you.  Also, when does graduating from K-State catch up with you?  That’s a huge negative, and I have no clue how you’ve been a productive member of society with that ball and chain.
  • JJ Nelson: Do you get passes thrown to you this year?  Or nah bro?
  • Jimmy Graham: Can you be good again?
  • Joe Williams: Can you supplant Carlos Hyde?  If not, how do you deal with that?  How do you find the self-esteem to keep going?  Also, do you work at a button factory?
  • CJ F.: Can you finally beat Ryan Griffin?  I thought platoons at running back were bad, but platoons at tight end?  No thank you because fuck it very much.
  • James Connor: How did you get so much hype on a team with Le’Veon Bell?  How? You have a fabulous publicist, my good sir.
  • Sammie Coates: Are you a possible stud, or is your confidence shot to Venezuela?
  • Anthony Barr: Does your coach like you?
  • Steven Nelson: Wait, who are you?  I don’t think I’ve ever heard of you before.
  • Rafael Bush: Will you be productive as a third guy like you have in the past?  Also, how have you been that good and never been a starter for literally your entire career?
  • Andrew Franks: Are you the kicker?
  • Anthony Dixon: Are you my mother?

See? Question marks everywhere.  If things break right (Sammie Coates is a star, Jimmy Graham returns to form, Anthony Barr becomes a boss, CJ Fiedorowicz catches touchdowns, and the various defensive guys I didn’t list because I ran out of pithy questions play up to their potential, this could be a great team and the Saints could return to the top of the division.  But when you have questions against sure things, I’ll go with the sure things.  It’s all about probabilities… which I apparently now do in the summer for fun.  ::SIGH:: I have become that which I hate.

 

Tampa Bay Buccaneers (6-10): Poor, poor Tampa Bay.  This team keeps getting this close to being good, and can’t quite get over the top.  Tampa Bay is to RDFL is what Hillary Clinton is to the presidency.  A favorite for the presidency for like twelve years.  Super closer in two elections.  Wins the popular vote.  Not president. Tampa keeps pulling the same stunt – good team for the last three years.  Strong players.  Good drafts.  Good free agent pickups.  Not quite able to get over the hump.

More of the same, this year, unfortunately, as the division has stayed strong, but Tampa Bay has taken steps back.  Doug Martin is facing threats to his job.  Vincent Jackson isn’t on a roster anymore.  Josh McCown plays for the Jets. Alfred Morris and Jermaine Gresham have successfully recovered from idiopathic bouts of talent, and the roster, tragically, has Blaine Gabbert on it.  Jadaveon Clowney is a bit of a bust and Chris Conte is losing his job to JJ Wilcox.

The defense is still going to be fantastic.  Any squad with Lavonte David and Von Miller starting next to each other is going to be absolutely ferocious.  Gerald McCoy is still a good player with a good personality, and Aqib Talib is still a good player with a bad personality.  The defense is going to put up points, and the offense is going to be much better than say, Indy and Jacksonville.  But in this ridiculous division, I just don’t think it’s enough.  Not by a long shot.  I like Tampa Bay, and I keep rooting for them.  But end of the day, it will not be Tampa Bay atop the South for another division.  It’s a conspiracy!

Oppressing the Ukraine and keeping TB out of the playoffs since 2013.

Bloody Russians.